Sex God thoughts...

1:14 PM Posted by Tim

There are these moments when the enemy off of a sudden becomes just like me. When a soldier becomes a son. When a prostitute becomes a mother. When they become we. When those become us. When he becomes me.

Moments when all the ways that we divide ourselves and rank each other and convince ourselves how different, better, and unalike we are disappear. And we are faced with the fact that first and foremost we are humans. And not that much different from each other. Jew. Gentile. Marine. Iraqi. Orphan. Family. Pastor. Prostitute. We could be them…

How you treat the creation reflects how you feel about the Creator. When a human being is mistreated, objectified, or neglected, when they are treated as less than human, these actions are actions against God. Because how you treat the creation reflects how you feel about the Creator. To be a Christian is to work for the new humanity. Jesus commands his followers to feed and clothe and take care of those who need it. They are fellow image bearers. They are just like us and when we love them, we're loving God. The church exists to be a display of the new humanity, a community of people who honor and respect poor and rich and educated and uneducated and Jew and gentile and black and white and powerful and helpless as fully human, created in the image of God. These bonds we have with each other are why for many there is so much power in the Eucharist, also called the Lord's Supper, or Mass or Communion. We take the bread and dip it in the cup to remind ourselves of Jesus' body and blood, to remind ourselves of the truth that we're all in this together, one body, and that his body being broken and blood being spilled are for our union. It isn't just about our relationship to God as individuals. Often Communion is seen as a time to reflect on God's love for us in Jesus dying on the cross, which it is. But it was originally just as much about my desperate need to be reminded about your humanity and the humanity of all the people around us. When I respect the image of God in others, I protect the image of God in me. When Jesus speaks of loving our neighbor, it isn't just for our neighbor's sake. If we don't love our neighbor, something happens to us. And in trying to protect the image of God in them, we just might be protecting the image of God in ourselves in the process. Because with every decision, conversation, gesture, comment and attitude, we're inviting Heaven or Hell to earth… ~ Rob Bell in Sex God


Just got me thinking about what it means when there is a difference of taking care of someone and caring for them. There is an inseperable place of service and love when we truly care for someone. And to deny that is to deny our faith...

| 0 comments

This is MY tribe...

1:02 PM Posted by Tim

June 14, 2007


As I have said in a few blogs, this week has been interesting with the refocus and redefinition of my life, some relationships and how I have spent my time. This is what I have learned though:

There is no question in my mind that I do not fit into the mold that the world or the religious have to offer with how to live, how to define friendships, relationships, or approach to the hurt and needy in the world. I REFUSE to let my life be defined by the models that tell me that I need to look a certain way, talk a certain way or treat people a certain way. I see people around me back at home treating people with calloused indifference to their pain, to their circumstances. I see people treat others like they are only to be used for their own pleasure or those things that will benefit them. I see people spit in the faces of the downtrodden, pour vinegar into the wounds in people's hearts. I see relationships defined only by sex, and sacred vows of marriage tossed around and disregarded if there is a chance to get laid by some hot someone-or-other. And I see people who refuse to live as if they have responsibility for their actions or the fact that those actions have far reaching effects into other's lives, even if they have no idea who those other people might be.

As I have been surrounded this week by some close friends who follow Jesus with their hearts and lives lived in service and humility and Love for others around them, whether they know them or not, I realized something profound - AGAIN. (Hey, I'm a little slow and need to be reminded from time to time!)

I realize that my heart cannot fit well into that mold that is offered by those things that seem to try to lure me, and sometimes do. I realize that I am CREATED a very specific way. I am compassionate. I am tenderhearted. I am made to care deeply for people in their moments of pain, crisis and apparent hopelessness. I realize that my tribe - my people - are not like others. We are brothers and sisters of vastly different backgrounds. I've felt a stronger connection and kinship with people I've just met because of our shared path of following Jesus than those that I have known and associated with daily for months, even if I've just met them. I find that kinship with people from all ethnic backgrounds, all languages. I find that with older conservative folks that remind me of my parents, I find that with my punk rocker friends all covered in tats and piercings. I find that with the mothers and fathers of young children. I find it with people who are old enough to be my grandparents. 

I find this kinship and connection with them solely because we walk a similar, chosen and deliberate path of long obedience in the same direction (a la Eugene Peterson) of following Jesus. It is the life of service to this end that fills my heart more than anything. It is the community that I surround myself with that leads me to chose things that others view as crazy and worthless and cowardly and as being unmotivated because I am just wasting my time. I choose this tribe. I choose Jesus. I thank you for walking this path with me, this journey, for being my companions and for being my tribe.

This tribe… is my home.

| 0 comments

You should have seen it...

1:00 PM Posted by Tim


So this assignment at Woodleaf, the camp that I volunteer at every summer, has been all sorts of crazy. Intense personal struggle and redefinition of areas of my life. Some very sick kids with things ranging from massive endocrine dysfunction to treating 18 moderate to severe asthmatics last night after allergy attacks. Crazy stuff. And then getting to know and love kids and leaders here, coming along side them in prayer, in friendship and in service. I LOVE THIS LIFE!

The highlight so far... 

Tonight I went to the Young Life "Club" which is the meeting where there are songs, skits, and a talk. At Young Life camps, the week's talks progress slowly, starting with the idea that there may be a God, leading to topics of sin, the cross, how to live if you chose to believe in this Jesus. 

After tonight's talk which was the message of the cross and why Jesus died for us, I sat inside and prayed while the kids were challenged to take 15 minutes sitting in the dark by themselves and just think about the things they had heard over the course of the week. I watched one kid, whose name I do not know yet sit in the main room also instead of going into the dark. He's an African-American kid, probably around 15 or so. He was dressed in his saggy shorts, a Starter jersey and do-rag and Giants baseball cap. The do-rag and hat were both grey camouflage. He sat with his head bowed for about the first four or five minutes. Then he started to look around and see who, if anyone, was watching him. He slowly made his way to the front of the room, where there was a large cross, hewn from old heavy wood, with railroad ties driven into the hand areas and into the foot areas that was used as a demonstration in the talk. This kid "snuck" up to the front, obviously unsure that someone he knew might be watching. Then he walked to the cross and knelt in front of it, not back on his heals, but erect, not moving, head bowed. He didn't move a muscle for a good seven or eight minutes. And then the best part happened. He slowly rocked back onto his heels, and would take occasional glances up at the cross, as if he was visualizing Jesus hanging there above him. He did this a few times, staring more and more at the place where Jesus was on that cross for him. He tentatively reached out his hand finally. There was the greatest sense of anticipation at that moment for me. Wanting so desperately for this child to take the most momentous action of his life. I was praying, screaming encouragement in my heart for him as he finally took that step and gently touched the cross, almost in a caress and then in a firm grip around that rough wood. He just stayed there for a few seconds, head bowed, resting trusting, holding onto the cross....

You should have seen it....

| 0 comments

Ecumenical Affirmation

1:16 PM Posted by Tim

So let mercy come 
And wash away 
What I've done 

I'll face myself 
To cross out what I've become 
Erase myself 
And let go of what I've done 

Put to rest
What you thought of me 
Well I cleaned this slate 
With the hands 
Of uncertainty 

So let mercy come 
And wash away 
What I've done 

I'll face myself 
To cross out what I've become 
Erase myself 
And let go of what I've done 

For what I've done 
I start again 
And whatever pain may come 
Today this ends 
I'm forgiving what I've done

-- Partial Lyrics to "What I've Done" by Linkin Park

So, with the change of my song and this new blog, it would seem that I have flipped my emotional lid and gone totally bipolar. Instead, I find myself with some renewed clarity thanks to some new friends and old friends speaking truth into my life. The sources spoke there came from three of the most unlikely allies in what on the surface would appear to be random conversations. However, on further reflection, considering the way these things happened, it is nothing more simple than God working to heal one of his children.

"Carry those blessings with you with pride!" was the comment my friend Myriam had for me today. After a long period of not talking with her due to random circumstances, I was able to catch up with her for a while toady. I shared the pain of a betrayal from someone I loved dearly and the almost unbearable weight that has burdened me with over the course of the last month and half. I have found myself "accused" by them as they have systematically attacked my sense of self and my desire to love the world around me. [ADD Moment: If Satan is our accuser, does that mean someone like this, an accuser that speaks in direct contradiction who we are created to be, is operating as one who comes from that same place spiritually? That doesnt make sense, does it?] Myriam is a dear friend. She is a Jewish hippie, by her own description. One of the greatest nights of my life was having a discussion of Lauren Winner's "Girl Meets God" over organic basil, garlic and tomato pasta with some good wine and literally rehashing the book of Romans over the course of three or four hours almost verbatim - and she had never opened a Bible before! Anyway, after hearing what I had to say about this current situation that I have been wrestling with was to share some of her thoughts that stand in direct contradiction to that which she pulled from her experience of her Judaism and her knowledge of the Torah and her belief that I was created by God to be the way I am. How wonderful that even though we stand in disagreement about the arrival of Mashiach (Messiah in Hebrew), she is still able to affirm me and defend me with the words of the original testament. What a blessing that is to me!

I also had a great word from my old Young Life area director. He told me today that it was an honor to serve with me. I say this not to toot my own horn, but again, because God drew people around me today to show me that Satan has no power in my life. No matter what Satan could throw at me, God spoke even more loudly and clearly. Grant, my old area director, was always someone that I butted heads with. I was much less into "mission" and more into "relationship" but we definately came to respect each other. In fact, Grant is one of the Christian men that I love serving with most now. We still disagree on many things. But almost never have I seen a Godly man so willing to express his love for his wife and children, to easily and humbly ask forgiveness or to ask a question of someone and to respond with heartfelt emotion. His compliment today again attacked the lies of the accuser. It was as if all the things I had questioned about myself or how I chose or hope to live such as those things as service and expressiveness and a hope of humility were soothed by his words almost immediately. 

Finally, I have had the pleasure this week of serving with a Catholic priest named Father Joe. He is a guy from Lafayette, LA and is just an amazing older guy. I'd guess he's about 60 or so, but he looks like mid to late 40's because he is so fit. Quite a few of the kids from his area at camp have gotten hurt or sick, with things ranging from broken ribs to dislocated knee to diabetic issues. Tonight, after checking on a kid who had fractured his leg, I ran into a couple of the other leaders from Lafayette, including Father Joe. On the way out the door, he stopped me and grabbed my hand with both of his and said "Tim, you have a good spirit. We have needed you this week, and the Lord has blessed us with you as our helper." He totally emphasized the word "good" too. WOW! What a compliment. One of the things that hurt most from the accuser was the weapon wielded against me that said "Tim, you love to be needed and I dont need you and no one else does either." Father Joe spoke as if he knew that I needed to know that being needed is ok! We are not meant to live alone. We are meant to be in community, needing each other and depending on each other to make it through. Its even ok to want to be needed and its even better to need someone else... Plus, it came from a Father, and if you know my obsession with monks, that made the affirmation all the sweeter!

And now back to Linkin Park. Truly one of my favorite bands, and has been since I first heard them about six years ago. This song, and the words spoken by these people really got me thinking tonight. Got me thinking that with the affirmation from all of these people, led by God to this place this week and to speak these words, that I can forgive myself. But I am not going to forgive myself for the things I was blaming myself for. Those things like emotion and desire to connect and the desire for real sacrificial love and to be loved in return and all the other things I was accused of being. What I am going to truly forgive myself for is believing those lies. I AM made the way I was supposed to be. God DOES know every hair on my head. God does NOT make mistakes. And God DID NOT make a mistake with me.....

I am so thankful that God use "a priest, a jewish hippie and an Japanese evangelical" (does that sound like the beginning of a joke or what?) to speak so much healing truth into my life. I pray that your eyes are sensitive to God moving in your lives this week and that you are able to embrace the Loveability that comes with being children of the God of the Universe...

May we all find that sense of self apart from our accusers and instead in the power of the heart knowledge that we are God's trophies....

| 0 comments

Jesus the Ghetto Bastard

1:35 PM Posted by Tim

Jesus the Ghetto Bastard

by Ewuare Osayande

 

if Mary were alive today

and gave birth to Jesus

christians wouldn't call her son Savior

he'd be a ghetto bastard

born to another teenage single mother

on welfare

with no place to go

cause there'd be no room

in their closed minds

to let them

inn.

| 0 comments

The Painted Veil

12:54 PM Posted by Tim


If you get a chance, watch this movie: The Painted Veil. Stars Edward Norton and Naomi Watts. Basic gist: A troubled couple moves to the country in China in the early 1900's to fight both a cholera outbreak and attempt to resolve thier personal issues.

The best quote from the movie is from a conversation between a nun and the female lead, played by Naomi Watts. Here is a portion of it that struck me and has stuck with me:

Mother Superior: Dr. Fane said you didn't want to leave here. I think you didn't want to leave him either.

Mrs. Fane: Well, it's my duty.

Mother Superior: Duty is only washing your hands when they are dirty. I fell in love when I was seventeen… With God. A foolish girl with romantic notions about the life of a religious. But my love was passionate. Over the years my feelings have changed. He's disappointed me… Ignored me. We've settled into a relationship of peaceful indifference. The old husband and wife who sit side by side on the sofa but rarely speak. He knows I'll never leave him. This is my duty. But when love and duty and one, then grace is within you.

____________

This reminds me yet again the that three most powerful things, when seen through the lens of Jesus' life and death are these: 

Love. Grace. Forgiveness.

| 0 comments

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)