Prodigal Medic....

 Love and Trust…

I've had several opportunities over the course of the last few weeks to visit this topic in my mind. Some of those have been productive, where in loving someone, we are able to connect and communicate concepts like grace and forgiveness and God's unconditional love for them. Some of these have raised hard questions, where motives and intentions have been questioned by external observers, or when these connections are not similar to the "rules" that have been established by Those That Know Better.

I have had a particularly hard time with people telling me that it is "inappropriate" to have conversations or interactions of significance with certain demographic populations. For me, as a single man, these include all married women, most single women and all depending .. and number of prying eyes, anyone who might misinterpret the meaning or context of these conversations, or any conversation where there might be external misinterpretation by an outside observer. I am fortunate enough to know myself well enough to know that this very well just might be my stubborn pride telling me, "If they are telling me that I "have" to do something… well, they aren't the boss of me!" At the same time, I have had conversations that I know have been extremely important in the lives of my friends as well. I am confused… But I think that I have learned a lot.

I never have understood well this position of fear that so many Christians seem to operate from. It strikes me as the one area where rampant legalism seems to run amok in the church. It seems like we have forgotten that Jesus was a radical feminist, sitting and talking alone, at Jacob's well. It seems that we have forgotten that he let a whore wash his feet with her hair and perfume, this most intimate gesture of love. It seems that we have forgotten that loving people is often messy, and that we, like Jesus, are bound to offend someone.


To me, as it stands right now, I feel that there (within reason) cannot be this overwhelming fear of loving the world around us. There are so many times when I think that there are rules that are added to the Bible by Those That Know Better. Often times, I think that we really need guidelines, because these serve to be the rumble strips (those annoying little ridged strips of road on the side of a freeway designed to keep sleepy drivers between the lines) of our lives. I think often times, in our times of personal or relational danger, we are often just asleep at the wheel. We allow ourselves to venture to places in our thoughts or actions that we would never do if we were fully awake and aware of our significance of our situations and consequences of our actions. (Ok, maybe its just me, but I've always been told, if you think it, there's someone else who feels the same way, but don't let me project on anyone either!) Maybe these rules and all these books on "The Way To Do _______ And Be Successful in 30 Days or 5 Easy Steps, Whichever Comes First," really do have valuable information in them. I'm sure they do in fact, as I own many of them and use them as reference points when I don't know what to say or how to counsel a person. Maybe they are good for pointing out some of the patterns that human beings tend to fall into. I have no problem admitting that use of these books is good and beneficial.

What I do struggle with is the fact that there are people out there who then take these books as gospel, adding to them though their own twists of how to live, breathe and to be a Good Christian. How much are we supposed to add or infer from what was written in the Bible? I sat in church today and listened to a pastor that I hadn't heard preach in a long time. We used to be on staff at this same big church over where I used to live. He made a comment about how the culture was "infiltrating out church" and how we didn't even know it. I think that there is something of a backlash to this rightful awareness that we have to be willing to invest in the lives of those outside the body of believers while neither condoning their ways nor allowing potential danger into our own hearts and minds. In no way am I advocating a cavalier nature, disregarding our frail humanity. In fact, I am actually pushing a deep awareness of our weaknesses.

I think this is seen in the wisdom of not dating a person that doesn't share the claim of Christ's lordship in their life, as much as it is in choosing wise investments of time and money. For some of us, like myself, this also means limiting my exposure to some of the potential activities that friends that don't make any acknowledgement whatsoever may partake in. For instance, I know that while I might be able to do something like go to a party and have a few drinks with some friends, with others, I need to shy well away from that same environment because of the temptations that might exist there because I know they are temptations that might hit my personal Achilles' heel. This very well might take a very sober self-awareness, knowledge of my personal struggles, and a willingness to put my wise relationship with Jesus above my social calendar.

I also realize that I have trust issues. I have a hard time trusting in similar circumstances that I would like to be trusted in. I have a hard time trusting that someone will keep their word, that they have my best interests at heart, that they really give a crap about me and that their friendship isn't a trite platitude designed to appease my deep desire for connection.

What I am most thankful for in my life is those friends that have give me reason to trust over and over. I am thankful for those people that have proven through time, investment, hard work and sacrifice that have earned my trust over and over, even when the rest of the world seems to suck that desire to expose my heart one more time. I am so thankful that God's hand exists – whether I can see it and feel it or realize it in the moment or not – and that He is faithful in the fact that He has never once changed. He has created me to be the person that I am. Someone I consider deeply wise and spiritual, and yet mostly a stranger that I know by reputation, told me once that my road would not an easy one. Larry told me that I would shake foundations, stir the pot, make some noise. Most of the time I am fine with that, but even when I'm not, God's faithful to me still.

Tonight I feel cold, like that inherent distrust is creeping in again like some apocalyptic winter, ready to freeze my heart again. I pray for the sun, waiting to feel its warmth run free and strong in my heart. I know it will come again. It always does.