Prodigal Medic....

I was talking to a friend the other day about a broken relationship in their life. As I thought more and more about this, one thing they said really stuck in my mind. It was the thought that in so many ways, we are so afraid of disappointing those around us that hope for something in our lives that they would see as best for us. This might be in romantic relationships, parental expectations of their children, our own thoughts of career or educational goals and dreams. There are a myriad of what these expectations might be. Lord knows I have enough of them myself about myself and in doing so, have found myself highly disappointed or questioning my ability to hear God “speak.”

I wonder when it became en vogue to hear “God speak.” (By speak, I mean those that hear the tangible words spoken to them. I wonder if this is one of the trends of the church, such as how we express our relationships to Jesus. Is it “being moved by the Power of a Great Affliction”? Is it “having a personal relationship with Jesus”? Is it some other generational expression that in 100 years, fellow believers will look and laugh at our “outdated” expression of faith?) I understand that Jesus told us that we’d never be alone and that the Spirit of God came to be with us at Pentecost, but really, where does it say that God will answer us with direct guidance in any tangible way? I can only think of the verse:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in all things, with prayer and petition, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Does this really mean that God will speak to us and tell us what we want to hear or need to hear or how to dress for the day or what to think of to read or how to speak or anything like that??? I think that too often it would be easy to manipulate or create self-serving prophecy. At the same time, I can think in my life where I felt led to talk to a stranger, to share a meal with someone, or to sit with them and help them ease their pain.

I felt a similar sense to what my friend was sharing though in two distinct ways. I’ve felt for a long time that those that claim to hear God speak so directly and who are so vocal about how they have this connection with God have made me feel over and over (and I completely understand how unintentional it has been) that for some reason, I might be “less than” in my faith. There is a certain sense of pride that exists with this type of language. There was also the similar feeling of how some people cant seem to do much of anything if they don’t hear from God. Some seem to wait and wait, and I just feel that for me, there is a time and place to just trust that God might even trust me enough to allow me to make decisions or wear certain clothes or even fail on my own, because that is what is necessary for me to grow as an individual.

As I said before, I have been led to certain things by a silent urging in my heart to do something. I don’t hear words. I don’t see writing in the clouds. I know God spoke through a burning bush, through prophets, his Son, and even an ass. Maybe the way I’m wired, I hear less from the buring bush or the cloud of fire than I do from the asses in the world. Asses are my kind of people anyways… broken, beaten-down, lopsided.

My greatest fear is that in this expectation of hearing God speak is that these expectations of things working out in a certain way that there develops this weird type of god-inspired/christian dysfunctionality. What if instead of expecting things for people (relationships, living situations, education, profession, etc) we just let people live. My friend is legitimately worried to share how things are in their life right now with friends and family for fear of disappointing them. How understandable. I’ve been there. How sad, too.

I pray for my friend and I that we can both find the freedom to be honest, and that our friends will show us the grace we need by not placing expectations on us, but letting us work things out in our own lives. I’m not saying at all that I don’t value the advice of my friends. I know full-well that if I were left to my own devices just how destructive that would be. I just hope that their guidance or expression of how they each uniquely hear God leading them comes in gentleness and encouragement, and not fragile, detrimental and broken expectation or pride.